Guerilla vs Gorilla Marketing

I created the cartoon character Gorilla Marketer on April 29, 2017, then unleashed him to the public the next day. His agenda is to shove whatever marketing down your throat that his Big Biz handlers instruct him to do. He agrees with them that the masses are stupid and will buy anything if it's familiar enough from repetitious mainstream media exposure. He cares not who buys his products or what the social consequences may be as long as he makes his commission.

Gorilla Marketer, aka GM, hates indie music, as he prefers repetitious top 40 only because he identifies that as the most commercial music on the planet. He works for Big Biz billionaires and defends any kind of Wall Street fraud. He also hates small biz and free thinkers, as he wishes they'd disappear so that they didn't interfere with what he calls "the free market." His idea of capitalism is everyone is free to buy his over-priced products if they want to be "relevant." As a pro-conformist authoritarian, he's studied the book Propaganda by Edward Bernays and applauds it for revealing mass mind control techniques used in advertising.

He becomes unglued when anyone is critical of the brands he pushes. Even if the corporations he represents have paid huge fraud settlements, to him that's just the cost of doing business. He's a conservative Republican to the extreme right of Donald Trump. He wants corporations to pay zero taxes and supports individuals paying high taxes. His idea of minimum wage is for employees to work for free and then promote the fact they get to put a capitalist employer on their resume that they can pitch to other businesses. But he knows he can't get away with it, so he only hints at it in his B2B blog aimed at CEOs.

Marketing is like a religion to GM and he enjoys studying all aspects of it, whether it's traditional or digital. If he had his way he would only engage in hard sell sales pitches, using whatever type of deception he could get away with. His main concern is greed. He once said "anyone who thinks greed isn't good is just a communist and should get the hell out of America." He works for several major firms as a corporate marketing consultant and takes 95% of company earnings. If you called him a fascist to his face he'd take it as a compliment.

Since he was born a millionaire (his dad owned several businesses) he has no sympathy for anyone who's not rich. He just calls the middle class lazy. Yet he markets to all demographics and has his own marketing team of 100 employees, most of which he pays commission-only (after a 12 week test). His firm will work with any corporation that wants to pay him for his marketing services, whether he delivers a return on investment or not. These days his firm markets petroleum products, GMO-based foods and pharma drugs. He opposes affordable drugs for seniors and absolutely hates organic food, calling it a "communist conspiracy."

"Global warming is a hoax," he tells his staff every morning. "Mass production is good for business, so don't listen to these anti-capitalist tree huggers." For the most part he's incredibly humorless, especially after his hero Bill O'Reilly was fired from Fox News over allegations of sexual misconduct. He counters his anger and manic depressive behavior - or tries to - with about a dozen pharma drugs. Then he preaches to his staff on a daily basis that "fake high energy sells." His motto is "never be afraid to engage in too much deceptive monkey biz."

Some might ask, "what's the difference between guerilla and gorilla marketing?" To that he says with confidence, "not a whole hell of a lot, but gorilla marketing is just slightly more profit-driven."

Created by Alex Cosper