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The Mixed Up Life of Joe 12-Pack


Joe 12-Pack is a mega consumer and polluter. He blows a lot of his cash on junk he sees advertised on TV. He's a big, big spender on pharma drugs, which never seem to cure his depression. In his world, TV is reality and nature is a joke. He drives a giant gas-guzzling pick-up truck. He lives off his parent's inheritance and now manages the family business, a GMO burger joint in the industrial part of town. He pays his employees minimum wage and is driven crazy by the constant high turnover.

When Joe isn't chugging beer or some other type of alcohol to get his mind off all the problems the world brings him (like workers asking for a raise), he's taking all kinds of prescription drugs. Interestingly, the more he watches news programs on TV, which are heavily sponsored by the pharma biz as relief to the tension-based stories the station cherry-picks night after night, the more he becomes addicted.

Almost every common misconception you can imagine that people get from excessive idiot box consumption, can be attributed to Joe 12-Pack. He doesn't really pay attention to politics except for occasional soundbites he absorbs from channel surfing. He buys into the myth of the "left-wing media" that so many paranoid right-wingers repeat all because TV has brainwashed them into believing that right = god, guns and free market while left = any person who isn't a white Christian male.

His brain is so polluted with nonsense that he has no idea that everything he sees on TV is dictated by Wall Street establishment conservatives. He doesn't realize that these type of investors consider themselves "conservative" not because they conserve, but because they support the status quo, which is simply the country and the economy is controlled by the top 1%. He supports pollution at every level and wants to someday purchase industrial equipment just so he can exercise his right to pollute and act out his childhood fantasy of being an industrial tycoon.

Most people never have to deal with his warped old-fashioned attitude because his number one topic is sports, which allows him to bond with the guys. He watches sports throughout the year and is gung ho about his regional teams, but hates all other teams. Every now and then he gambles on big games, but usually goes against Vegas oddsmakers and loses stacks of cash. But his family fortune allows him to waste as much money as he wants.

Created by Alex Cosper